1) I have no “real” superpowers.
2) Fake trees do not smell like real ones no matter how many “smelly pine thingy-boppers” you put on them.
3) I am a Cook in name only…To be honest, I already knew this.
4) Noel written on a window from inside the house will spell Leon on the outside.
5) If you start drinking in the morning, the afternoon is less stressful. Please see the above number 3 and 4. Although, if I didn’t drink, maybe neither one would be an issue.
6) Wine freezes…
7) There is no actual “last nerve” in my body, because if there were, I would use number 1 to punish rude strangers.
Oh who am I kidding, you wouldn’t have to be a stranger.
8) Printed out pictures of gifts, instead of the real thing, are not as much fun for children to open.
9) Hanging up a “count down Christmas calendar” and not changing the numbers does not prolong how many shopping days you have left for Christmas.
10) If you smash a can of jellied cranberry sauce in a nice bowl, people will think it’s homemade! Or be kind enough to not tell you they noticed. Or maybe they do, but because of number 5 you don’t remember and that’s almost as good.