Thursday, October 10, 2013

Top Ten Things I've Learned


  1. All dogs think they are invisible when they close their eyes to sneak into a room.
  2. No banana candy taste like bananas, yet all banana candy taste the same.
  3. If you cup your hands in front of a small child's mouth, it's an invitation to barf.
  4. One should not drink vinegar and then a glass of milk, no matter how sweet the cash offer is.
  5. That if you can't remember the password on your sister's alarm system, four policemen, three fireman and a first response team will all fit in her living room.
  6. That if you stuff your bra, your boobs will fall to the floor when the lights go out.
  7. That there is an age where it doesn't matter how pretty you are, you're still getting the ticket.
  8. Hospital staff don't like it when you steel gurneys to have hall races.
  9. You really should always, and I mean always. have on underwear when you wear a toga.
  10. Burnt orange flavored cinnamon rolls are not an acceptable gift after you've forgotten someones birthday.

Monday, September 30, 2013


Homecoming dance of 2013
A Cinderella story


This weekend was homecoming for the local high school, in which our daughter attends. And I know she got up that morning feeling like Cinderella headed for the ball. 

Allow me to set the scene. "The Daughter" stumbled down the stairs only to be notified that it was weed pulling time. After the usual grumbles and grunts, she headed outside.

I, being the diligent author I am, pulled out the paper edits for my manuscript and settled down with a can of "writer's crack," AKA--Mountain Dew. Seconds later, I heard a scratching sound from the side window's screen. I ignored it. Then I heard, 

"Pssst. Mommy...Mommy. Can I have a break?"

I glanced at the clock---it had been three minutes since she started on her chore. During the next five minutes, she called the dogs over to the window to talk to them, asked me to "save her" and did some dramatic acting, in which she pretended to be attacked by some unseen forces. It's now been eight minutes.

She pleaded with me to rescue her. I refused. Then she noticed her father "rounding the corner." She ducked...a little too late. There was some yelling, some whining and then the fateful words echoed through the window.

"If you don't get your chores done, you will not be going to the dance."

So the moral of this story, **Be careful of what you wish for--for you will surely get it.**